These days, it’s easy to feel like the world is spinning off its axis — and if you’re leading a team, raising a family, or taking a principled stands on an issue — you’ve probably felt the heaviness that seems to be settling into so many corners of our lives.
In this episode of The Space In Between, I explore something that’s fueling this heaviness: grievance — what it is, how it shows up in our society, and most importantly, how we can begin to shift its grip.
Grievance is the lingering residue of feeling wronged — a mix of resentment and unmet expectations. Sometimes it comes from very real harm or injustice. But when left unspoken, unhealed, or unresolved, it begins to harden. It becomes a lens through which we see others — and not kindly. It wears down trust, divides communities, and narrows our capacity for curiosity, empathy, and connection.
A Global Picture of Distrust
We don’t have to rely on gut instinct alone to see what’s happening. The Edelman Trust Barometer — a respected global study surveying over 30,000 people across 28 countries — recently named what many of us have felt: we are in a crisis of grievance.
Some findings that struck me:
- Over half of respondents believe their country is more divided than ever.
- 53% of young adults see hostile activism as a legitimate way to create change.
- Just 34% believe the next generation will be better off — and that number is even lower in countries like the U.S. and Canada.
- Perhaps most sobering of all: many no longer see people they disagree with as simply wrong, but as bad.
When distrust becomes personal, it’s harder to connect — and even harder to lead. It is where grievance festers. And yet, this is exactly the moment when leadership rooted in civility, compassion, and self-awareness is most needed.
A Lesson from My Own Story
Grievance isn’t abstract for me. I remember an experience from my senior year of high school — when my state championship girls’ tennis team was completely left out of the yearbook. I was furious. I marched up to the teacher who oversaw the yearbook, threw my copy in the trash, and accused him — publicly and tearfully — of not caring about girls’ sports.
Looking back, my feelings were valid. But my reaction — rooted in heat, not clarity — did more harm than good. Was I justified in being angry and upset? Yes. And yet, I shamed someone rather than expressing my disappointment in a more effective way. I made grievance the headline, and modeled behavior that I now understand added to a shame and blame culture.
That experience has stayed with me. It taught me how quickly grievance can take us from righteous to reactive — and how important it is to find better ways forward.
Three Practices to Shift the Culture of Grievance
We don’t need a perfect fix — but we do need practice. We can begin to turn the tide of grievance by building small, daily habits that keep us open, grounded, and connected.
Here are three that have helped me:
1.PAUSE BEFORE REACTING
When you feel that charge rise — frustration, anger, that deep sense of being wronged — pause. You might be completely justified in what you’re feeling. But that doesn’t mean it’s the best moment to act. Self-awareness gives us agency, and agency gives us options. Wait for the moment when you can speak with clarity, not just heat.
2. PRACTICE DAILY GRATITUDE
Gratitude is more than a good mood booster — it’s a reset button. Try writing down three things you’re grateful for each morning, and include one thing you appreciate about yourself. And don’t underestimate the power of sharing a kind word with someone else — even a stranger. Compliments are contagious.
3. SEEK OTHER SEEKERS
Find the people who ask good questions. Who hold strong values and remain curious. Who listen without needing to win. These are the people who help us stay grounded when we hit our own boiling points. They are the bridge-builders — and being in community with them helps us become one too.
Why This Matters Now
Grievance is heavy, but we don’t have to carry it forever. We can choose to lead differently — in our workplaces, our communities, our families.
I’ve seen what’s possible when people model civility and compassion — like my former colleague and friend Sue Desmond-Hellmann, who leads with intellectual rigor and deep kindness. Leaders like Sue don’t suppress disagreement — they welcome it, because they understand that well-held tension can sharpen ideas and deepen trust.
Each of us can bring that energy into the spaces we inhabit. We can choose to respond instead of react. To connect instead of condemn. To understand instead of assume.
This is how we begin to rebuild trust — one conversation, one pause, one act of grace at a time.
Thank you, as always, for walking this path with me. And until next time: Keep listening. Keep seeking. Keep showing up — in The Space In Between.
Helpful Links:
https://www.edelman.com/trust/2025/trust-barometer. Edelman Trust Barometer
